He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
