Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
