how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
