Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
