i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
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So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
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Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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