How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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