I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
