The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
