So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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