Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
