Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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