I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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