you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
