Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
