i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
