Me. At least after what I've been through.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
