He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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