Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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