if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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