you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
