am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
