he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
