You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
