I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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