my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
