party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I smell stomach acid.
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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