I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
