the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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