I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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