I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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