So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
