quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
