I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
