just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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