The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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