i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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