I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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