You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
