We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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