then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
