Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
