had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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