i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
