So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
