I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
