and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
