Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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