dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
