Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow