if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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