he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
