I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
