You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
