So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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