so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
not ubering you a puppy
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
