New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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