I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
