my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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