Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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