All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
