Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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