I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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