the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
