You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
