I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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