Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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