Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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