Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Randomize
