i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
