he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
