you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
