I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
