guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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