Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
